Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I have tasted many bathrooms
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
