GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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