I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I seem to have left my pride at pride
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
