Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Alive.
So much puke
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
