Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Found your dick twin last night
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
