im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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