you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Randomize
