I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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