stop calling my apartment porn island.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
