I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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