new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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