david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
