Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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