The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
my liver is dry heaving
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
