Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Randomize
