the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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