let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Randomize
