You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Randomize
