So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
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