We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
