I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
