my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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