she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I smell like Dick and happiness
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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