What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
There r osticjed everywhere
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Randomize
