I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
