I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
