I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize