so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
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