one might say we're banned from that church
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
