I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Randomize
