i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize