Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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