Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
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It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
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I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
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