Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
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Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
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Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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