i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
