I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
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