I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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