i was rollin on her like bob the builder
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
