I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I am one with the molecules
Randomize
