every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
