its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
