I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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