we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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