we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
