This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
