Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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