You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
