she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
