I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Edward fifth and chaser hands
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
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