yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
