Your mouth is God's brothel.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
