47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
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