did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
