I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
