We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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