The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
His hands were made for my vagina.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
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