Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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