I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
i just had sex bonerless
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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