32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Actions speak louder than pants.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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