I should be sponsored by Trojan
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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