I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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