someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
