Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
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