i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
