I don't usually arrange sex via text message
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
